Story ended

Well there you go, finally got that full stop.. eventhough it wasnt direct, but its clear enough.

So much for saying it was'nt me being the reason why. It was me all the while

Im tired of it. im just tired of it. theres no point of me trying. Ill only be used. nothing more than just a person thats there when you're in need. And leave me like everyone does.

I dont want say i love you, i dont want to say i hate you. i dont even want to say goodbye.

Its bullshit when people say lightning doesnt strike twice. it does, hard and painful. it bites you in the ass and doesnt want to let it go.

I know

I know, ill be there for you anytime

I know, ill be patient with everything we go through

I know, ill be the guy for you who holds you in his arms and never lets go

I know, I've already fallen for you.

One more for the sake of it

Here's a short story.

Guy meets girl. Guy gets a crush on her. he does everything he can to make her happy. he makes the small moments together last. He gets too scared to show his feelings. she goes unnoticed how he really feels. he plays along with the moments he has with her knowing this story of his wont last. his predictions turns true.

She leaves him in the shadows, forgotten, left behind. The heart known to him was lost.
and even after awhile those small memories together still plays along in his brain.
looking up for hope was full of lies playing in his mind.
He soon realises she found someone new. someone better then him. His feeling for being happy for her were not pure. but they were there.

The end.

Im not in love, im just wishing it wont be the same as the story above. I dont want to give up like i always do and let things ruin themselves as they past infront of my eyes. im done reading your cover. give me a chance to let me go through your pages.

Weird thoughts

Im not sure if im pissed or just down right sad. i always ending up alone.. whats the point of writing this. no one would read it

This is it

No, im not talking about Micheal Jackson's new movie.. Im talking about the real effing deal. SPM baby.. yeah, its been running around in our minds like hell for the past year.. and guess what, we're 4 days away from it.. all those years are finally coming to an end.. and its ending with a freaking exam that has your future written all over it. So to those who are taking SPM, i wish you the best and GOOD LUCK.

this isnt helping at all

Getting stressed out about exams is already enough.. but at this certain moment, i just HAD to get myself involved into liking someone.. and it sucks when you start thinking about them..

i treat my blogs like a confession box, so here goes..

For the past month i could finally say, i've got someone to go for.. things just rolled along, texting you a whole lot just made me happy for some reason. finally thinking that i could like someone without seeing the consequences..but knowing you from the first layer is enough to know how you are around things.. Pessemist is the best word i would say. and to me, i know thats a bad thing. The cup you're looking at is half empty. im just wising for you to give me a chance to let me lighten up that black world of yours.. i know theres a bright star shining in you somewhere.. you've just got to look for it..

thoughts of you

well, since things are alot more secluded here.. ill let things out here.. besides its been awhile since my last post

its weird to finally like someone after awhile. but even that still makes me feel weird about things. but she still manages to makes things happy.. i hope theres a happy ending in this new chapter.. im hoping shes the one..

Battle of the sites

Since everyone has lately shifted to Tumblr, i decided to make one as well.. and i had no idea how awesome that site is.. so basicly i was scared that i would eventually totally forget about my Blogger.. it seems like its the battle between Facebook and Myspace.. i use facebook alot more and therefore like it more, but somehow i've never forgotten about my Myspace.. i still manage to come by and check it from time to time.. As a conclusion, i know ill do the same to Blogger.. cause i started off here.. and its bad if i just totally forgot about it.. so dont worry Blogger, ill never leave you...

Drummer in Boxers

I had a study session with Maison in the moring, i just love days out with the guy..
Anyways, the weather got a little too hot for us, so we just decided to go Parade for a few rounds of Daytona... and he just came up with a last minute idea to go jamming so we invited James and Walter to jam with.. so we walked all the way to the studio in 15 to jam.. but it was worthwhile cause i got to finally play drums after weeks without it.. to me, its a way of releifing stress. and a workout.. the band was just random, but none of us really cared.. as long theres music flowing properly, and it was good enough for us.. now, im just really tired cause of a long ass day.. and somehow im still wide awake.. my system is not working it used to no more.. i get less sleep, and more time awake.. im gonna have eyebags sooner than ever.. shit

Yesterday's story

no, as i mean literally, this was yesterday's story.. i could'nt help but to blog about it.. it was a REAL long day but it was worthwhile..

I went out at 9 to meet up Adrees at McD near Taylors, so i had no choice to walk in the rain all the way to 15 just for the guy.. i was wet like a dog by the time i got there. and we headed off for pool after that.. We decided to go watch Surrogates with Farhan, and we just rolled along to pyramid by cab from there on..
The movie was real good. it showed how lazy and over cautious human turned to be in the future.. but i dont wanna ruin the movie for everyone..After the movie we Farhan had the idea to go window shopping, and yea it sounds gay, but who cares, its the only way you can try on new clothes without buying it.



Anyways, Adrees and i then headed back to 15 to meet up with the other guys.. They planned to go for Amir's open house in Shah Alam, so basicly we didnt have a choice but to tag along, or just be left alone.. By the time we arrived at the KTM station, Adrees bailed out at the last seconds for Sofia that was comming to Subang.. so it was just me and my fellow malay gang, and vimal which i count as malay as well since he talks like one.. HAHA.. I havent Ride a train in years, so it felt kind of weird taking public transport thats stuck on tracks and goes slower then a motorcycle.. We stopped at Batu tiga train station, and took a cab to Amir's house.. OUr cab driver got lost and Anen decided to just get dropped off nearby a round-about.. so we had to jump over a fence to get into the housing area compund, and my knee hit the railing of the fence and it was god damn painfull..

We finally reached the house 15 minutes later.. thanks to Anen.. I had a good few grabs of the satay that was served, and a whole lots of laughs at the dinner table, and i mean ALOT.. we headed up to his room, and Aimran could'nt help by grabbing a Bibi gun that was on the table, and pointed the gun towards everyone.. so there we were, grown 17 year old guys screaming like girls trying to avoid a plastic bullet.. Vimal had a not so great idea by taking cover in Amir's Closet, and all of us pretended that we left while amir was holding the closet door.. and i swear, those was the funniest 5 minutes of my life.. i was holding on not to laugh through out the whole time.. we eventually gave up and let him out..

All in all, for a tiring day like that, migrating from place to place, it was
seriously an awesome day..its just too bad Adrees could'nt join us for it

listening to A love's song with a broken heart

i dont really like to blog about my depressions, but since its 4.am and i've got nothing to do, here goes

i feel too much of alone these days, dont really know why... probably its just me getting too emotional over small things but its just me listening to my nature..
i've gotta admit that nothing has gotten to make me happy lately, makes me wanna bust out into to tears for no good reason.. its like all the hard times are just waiting to burst out.. i just need the perfect situations to do it.. stressfulness is just gaining and i have no idea how to release it..
This state of depression is the toughest one i've been through i would say.. the fact where just nothing makes me happy anymore , while everyone else is having the times of their lives, im still stuck at the same state where i was probably 3 years ago. god life sucks.. i dont even know what the words im saying anymore..

Things you never noticed while you were a child

This is freakin hillarious!!.. i got this from a friend on Facebook.. its a wonder what were our reactions when we were a child

worst day ever

It starts from last night where i was being all stressed out and i had nothing to calm me down, so i hit the hay earlier than usual.. the next thing i knew, it was already 12 in the afternoon.. so basicly, i overslept.. which meant i got a really bad headache.. its not the painfull one, but the sleepy-headache one.. eventhough i already slept for 12 hours straight..
Anyways, i had to meet up with Adrees by 2.30 so i just went out without thinking if i could walk or not.. then half way, i felt like i needed transport.. thankfully there was a cab passing by to drop me off at AC. By the time i got there my head felt like mush.. Vimal gave the idea to go and vomit, and suprisingly it felt a little better. and i STILL managed to beat them at pool while i was having my painfull arms, and a headache..

at the end of the day,I felt too lazy to walk back and decided to just take a cab infront of McD.. and those motherfuckers charge over 10 bucks.. JUST from 15 to 17.. i just couldnt bear with the headache so i just considered on paying 10 bucks.. and the driver, was the worst driver i've ever gotten.. worse than that drunk driver i gotten a few months back .. hahah
He basicly horned at everything, i think one of them was even a burger stall for some reason, he threw a plastic container out of the window while driving at high speed on the main road, he smelt like trash, he looked like trash, he even sounded like trash.. im not trying to be all judgemental about this, but i had a pissed off day, and he just made it feel like it was the cherry ontop of the ice-cream..

He had to pay off his debt to some guy in Sunway, so i got dragged ALL the way the way to some apartments and i had to wait 10 minutes in the cab by myself.. he tried to be friendly by communicating, but i could'nt understand him half of the time. so i just nodded..
By the time he dropped me off, he really appoligized , i think it was because of my fucked-up-im-pissed-off kind of look i gave him just before i paid the cab fee..
So finally i reached home, thinking i could watch some Tv, have a nice cup of Teh-o, and just to be in a quite enviroment..
BUT, no... all of my relatives were around visiting.. all 27 of them.. not to mention the little ones playing with my stuff in my room.. So it was noisy, i had a headache that was about to expload my brain, my arms that cant be straightend and were still painfull as hell, my throat that was dehydrated, AND gastric pain that would'nt stop annoying me..

what better way to officially say my life sucks right?

unbearable pain

so there i go, i got too ambitious by working out again.. i promised myself no to do any weights untill i got under the 88kg mark.. but no, i got paranoid and now i tore my arm muscles, and it hurts as HELL i tell ya.. feels worse than a broken arm.. im just glad my left arm doesnt feel as bad as my right.. im gonna stick to just jogging from now on till i hit my target properly... all i need is a bit of struck of luck to get the job done before my deadline.. and a whole lot of painkillers for this pain

Boys in boxers with a bottle of Corona

I finally had a trully "raya" day with my boys today.. just good plain fun goin around when i know i get to hang out with them.. we all had a good lunch at my house since Adrees inscisted it.. Maison decided to come at the last minute.. and somehow all of them came the same time.. so it was set prepped.. bunch of guys, with a car, and 2 of us with tones of raya money.. heh
By the time we got to Maisons house, things turned out to look like another bob marley song.. Shisha, ciggs, and a few beers, it would've been epic if we had weed, but no..not for now.. anyways, for me, that felt like heaven. now i have to face back to reality that Spm is in a month or so.. i NEED to staple my eyes to the books from now on.. sigh.. i had a really good week though.. Best Raya i ever had i would say..


Gautham looking really freaky






Corona for life



Turbog sucks, but maison's shisha rocks

Ordinary

i've just watched Spiderman 2 on Youtube, and listening to the soundtrack reminded me how really awesome the soundtrack was.. this one is my favourite

You lied

I have never gotten to blog on my poems, so i was thinking to just share one of them..

I wake up,
By her side and see the sun shine,
Right through the window pane,
Lights her face,
A soft amber glow,
And i really want to know,

Could this angel be mine,
Or will it just last a while,

Can't deny,
She made me feel like,
There's nothing else i need in my life,
How could I not see,
The feelings were fading
She was just waiting to go,

Things dont look so fine,
I think I fell behind,

There are scenes in my head,
I'd rather die than to face,
But here I stand,
Knowing that she's in love,
And it's not with the one,
That she promised to love, till the end of time,
She lied...

I held on,
To the hopes that she put in my,
Head everytime that she
Smiles,
Now I wonder,
was all that heartache worthwhile,

Love lies covered in lies,
Hearts have are broken and hurtful words spoken,
Can you look into my eyes..

Do you think you were perfect,
While I made the mistakes,
Then why do you feel,
The guilt burning inside,
As tears fill up your eyes,
You know you lied,

You said that you'll come back,
But i guess you never meant that,
Now you tell me things,
That put scenes in my head,
I'd rather die than to face,
But here I stand,
Knowing that you're in love,
And it's not with the one,
That you promised to love, till the end of time,
You lied...

Cherry flavoured

had an awesome day with maison today.. we havent gotten to actually hang out, so this was just the perfect thing we needed.

Started off at my house at 9, my mom was supprisingly kind enough to let me use the car to go for some breakfast nearby.. felt good to finnaly have a good conversation with the guy plus the morning enviroment, it was perfect for me..
Then we shifted to parade to buy myself a pair of slippers, and maison being the guy who he is, goes and wastes his money buying a bluetooth headset.. bought shisha filling from carrefour and took the bus all the way to his house from there on..

We eventually got "high" with the shisha in his room while watching Bruno on his laptop.. so basicly for us, we were watching a movie thats already funny as hell, but funni-er thanks to the shisha.. and i swear, that movie's not for the faint of heart, especially if your straight.. if you've watched it, you'll know what i mean..


So i went home 7-ish, took the bus, and i've got to say, when you have a good serious song to play through your headphones while looking out the window, gives you the space and time to think whatever you want.. somehow it even helped me clear my mind...
so basicly, the whole day was unplanned, and to me, thats what makes up for a perfect day... Mais, Love you bro..

had a real good night tonight.. had buka with close friends of mine plus shisha, plus having Gautham as our trusty driver.. had a few good drinks at Lionel's party but i just practicaly had a blast by just having fun with friends.. it feels awesome to finally hang out without having the feeling of getting caught...the days of SPM is getting closer and closer.. and im just haninging in there and get through it as calm as possible..

He's finally back

i trully love this song.. THIS is how his songs should usually be